Mwen pa konnen – I don’t know
I don’t know what to do when she asks me again to take her daughter. Half-joking, half-serious.
And when my heart tugs, wanting to wrap her daughter up and say yes so I can ‘guarantee’ meals and baths and a positive environment. So I can work with her one on one for development issues. So I can whisper truth to her and sing truth out loud with her. So I don’t have to watch her throw another tantrum as she turns from giggling to furious she has to leave after a short visit.
And I don’t know what to do when my heart – the same heart – tugs at my pride that I could think it’d be “better” for a capable mother’s child to be with me. When the Holy Spirit whispers to my soul that I know better, that there is a hard work ahead instead of instilling worth and empowerment into this mother. There is the work of coming alongside of her, continuing to love her daughter, and send her home where she belongs – tantrum and all.
This mother is able, she just forgets it sometimes as the world tells her – literally, people tell her – to give her child to the white girl who is always giving her attention. She forgets when she is homeless and has no idea what to do for an income. She forgets when she finds a room to rent (no more homelessness) but that doesn’t solve daily water, food, soap, charcoal to cook, medicine if her or her daughter gets sick. This mother forgets she is able when the world refuses to let her forget – literally, people tell her this as well – what she has done wrong so far in motherhood. This mother, who does not have the King of Kings and lover of her soul inside of her to whisper truth to her, forgets when all she has heard for almost 20 years are lies and negative thought cycles that the world has to offer. She forgets that she is able…did she ever believe she was able in the first place?
I know the Holy Spirit it right. I have no idea how to do my role in it.
She is why I need you to pray for us in Haiti. “Mwen pa konnen” is why I need you to pray for me in Haiti.